Stardust29 DREAM I had a strangely upsetting dream. In it, I was repeatedly overtaken by emotional extremes, accompanied by a deep shame and helplessness.
My cousin had come over to visit, but for whatever reason, I didn't actually get to spend any time with her before she was already leaving. I think this may be a recurring theme in my dreams, although I'm not quite sure how to explain it— I guess, having an opportunity for something I want (particularly something social) but being unable to actually take it? I don't think I ever actually see what it is that's holding me back from it; I only experience the aftermath. But the reason feels like it's something I can't help, like it's just something in the way I am. I don't know. Anyway, within this dream, it felt intimately familiar to me, as if it had happened over and over again. No one seemed to care but me, and I felt so inadequate and unwanted. Somehow, I ended up screaming and crying in my room. Like, literally screaming. Not words, just sound. Because I felt so helpless. I think there must have been other things that happened to contribute to such an extreme reaction, but I don't remember what— only that I still didn't feel like my feelings were heard.
In another part, I met two girls— sisters, I think. Initially, they were much younger than me, but I get the impression that it must have later changed so that we were peers. I found the younger of the two when I was searching for somewhere to be alone in the middle of a store, and she must have noticed. She called out from somewhere amidst the shelves, offering for me to join her where she often hid. I didn't want company at that particular moment, but I deeply appreciated the sentiment and didn't want to pass up, so I went to her. Later, I was walking outside with her and the older sister, just casually talking. I noticed that the elder said, "What?" quite a lot, and I wanted to ask whether I was not speaking clearly enough or if perhaps she had Auditory Processing Disorder, because I used to have that without knowing. But I thought that sounded rude to ask, so I didn't. We sat on a bench, and she talked about her plans to start a sort of book club, asking if I'd like to join, both of which I thought were great ideas.
Somehow, this led into us reading the digital document of a story I was working on. I think my cousin was there again, and it was almost like, now that my attention was focused on others, she appreciated our relationship more? I don't really understand why or how it made me feel— something like bittersweet, maybe?— but rather, it was mostly just something I observed happening in the background. Regardless, though, I was having a nice time. We were all joking around and laughing.
Except then, the older sister started doing something to the document. For a moment, the dream itself seemed to struggle to decide what was happening here. Of course, there was a concern that something bad could happen, but I didn't think that was the case. At first, while I found it rather insensitive to do without asking, it seemed she was making constructive notes (which I would have eagerly agreed to anyway), so I assumed she had good intentions. Then, I realized how fast these notes were appearing, and that made me wonder if she was using AI (which I am against using for creative work), but I still assumed the intentions were good. Until finally, a sense of panic arose. I think I felt it coming from my cousin or someone else before I felt it, too. It wasn't just notes; my work was being changed. And that was when the dream threw any other possibilities out the window, and its final verdict slammed into place with startling clarity: suddenly, I knew this was being done maliciously.
The scene sort of changed here. I'm not sure if the other person was still my cousin. But we both took off running to stop the eldest sister, even though we were previously all hanging out together right there. But anyway, it seemed it was too late. Somehow, she had managed to sabotage the whole thing in a way that made me look bad.